Helloooooo,
So for this week's post, I thought I'd tell you guys about something that has been bumbling about in this head of mine for a few weeks.
Today I went to a horse riding center called The Unicorn Center which is a horse riding stables that caters for disabled people. I went there because earlier last week I emailed the girl that is the director there about some volunteering work I want to do there during the summer. I used to horse ride when I was younger and recently I've been really regretting my decision to stop so off I popped for this interview to see if I would be well suited to working there (it went well for those of you that are interested!). Anyway, one of the questions that the girl that saw me asked me was what did I think were my strengths and weaknesses. Now, I know that when she asked me this, she expected me to say things like I'm a fab team player, I'm patient, kind ect or that maybe I tent to lose focus during tasks or that I might take a bit longer to pick up on a job than others, however for my weaknesses, I decided to say "I'm diabetic."
Now, I'm well aware that being diabetic isn't my fault and that it's not a weakness at all but let me explain;
When I was diagnosed with diabetes, I didn't really think much would change. I mean aside from the normal diet change, no sugar and having to inject myself with insulin every day, I didn't really think past the medical side of it. In these months leading up to summer, I have been thinking more about jobs and how I want to fill my summer up hence my going up to the stables and whenever I've had to fill out an application form, I've had to put 'type one diabetic, managed with insulin shots' in the medical part which really doesn't bother me because it's what I live with and that's just how I have to do things now but what does bother me is that right now, baring in mind that it's only three days away from my fourth month diabetes anniversary, I feel a little betrayed by it.
What I normally have to do is be conscious of what I'm eating, when I'm eating, making sure I have enough food at the appropriate times of the day otherwise it could lead to a hypo (a hypo is when your blood sugar gets really low. In my case I get sweaty and I start to shake and I get super pale, I can always feel it coming on too which normally helps me deal with it) but it dawned on me that 9 times out of 10, the other people around me won't have to be so careful. Being so conscious sometimes makes me feel fragile and silly, especially if I'm having a bad day I just want to say fuck it and do what I want.
So, when I said 'I'm diabetic' as a weakness, it really made me think of how hard things are.
Another example is being sick. At the moment I think I'm starting to get a really chesty cough which hurts and I have a stomach ache. Normal people will take a few paracetemol and they'll be fine but it affects me differently. I've had the conversation with my delightful nurses multiple times about what to do when I'm sick. Being sick affects my blood sugar massively. If I can't stomach anything, I have to drink sugary drinks in order to keep my BG (blood glucose/ blood sugar) in the normal range instead of letting it drop to a dangerous number, however I can't JUST drink it, no. I have to take tiny, weeny sips and that's it. Being sick can also make my BG go sky high in which case it's better for everyone's well being to just leave me be. When I'm high, I get super angry and frustrated and I tend to either snap or cry constantly. Doesn't it all sound like fun?
I'm not entirely sure where this post is going but I felt like I needed to make people aware of how differently I'm affected by just ordinary things. I think it stemmed from having to say, 'oh I'm diabetic so I need to be careful in the sun' or' that I need to make sure I have a proper lunch' or 'just so you know, if I feel like I'm having a hypo, I might need to just leave and sit down' and it makes me think that people will think I'm a burden or that I won't be able to do as much hard work as they can because of my stupid BG being so delicate.
It does sound heartless but I don't have as much sympathy for people with a common cold anymore because compared to me, they don't have to be as cautious or as careful.
I'm well aware that this makes me sound like a wimp or whatever but look at it from my point of view and just take a sec to to realise how different my lifestyle is to yours.
I'd also like to take a second to say please don't think that I'm a moaner. I'm not. These are genuine things that I have to take into consideration and sometimes I mull over things too much in my brain and I have to write them down. I'm doing the best I can with this whole thing and I think I'm doing pretty damn well! I'm happy, healthy and lets be honest, I have online shopping that fills a void that used to only be filled with cake.
Thanks for reading guys, I'm sorry if this made no sense, it's kind of a brain vomit version of a blog post.
Snotty hugs and kisses,
Laters,
Kate x
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